Las Culturistas' Culture Awards: Nominations + Winners

Las Culturistas, a culture podcast hosted by comedians Bowen Yang and Matt Rogers, returned to Lincoln Center for their annual Las Culturistas Culture Awards in New York City. Last year’s show featured celebrity guests (hey, Taylor Swift made a virtual appearance last year), sing-alongs, commitments to the bit, and references to Bravo shows. Saturday night’s show promised to highlight every high and low point in pop culture in the past year, scandoval included. With over one hundred categories and “a glittering assemblage of young comedians and celebrity award presenters,” there probably needs to be an awards show for this awards show. The show took place on June 17, with awardsdate sharing the culture via Instagram from the event.

Meanwhile, here’s the list of every single nomination with select winners — formal update coming soon. Bon appétit!

Biggest Jester

Kyrsten Sinema
New York Times’ anti-trans lookin’ ass
Joker on the Joker Card – Deck of cards
Lady Gaga as Harley Quinn

Biggest Flop

Four Nights In Orlando: Truth Tellers
Tanya McQuoid – The White Lotus
Ginni Thomas; and while we’re at it? Clarence too!
Waterworld starring Kevin Costner

Biggest Jester Flop

Tom Sandoval
Tom Schwartz
Lydia Tár
George Santos
Kitara Ravache

Biggest Jester Flop in the Clown Square

Elon Musk – Twitter
The Green Eyed Bandits – The Real Housewives of Potomac and at large
The studios who will not give the WGA a fair deal
Raquel Leviss
Tucker Carlson

Free Them! Award for Criminal Who Should Be Free

The girls looked up at the end of the Pirates of the Caribbean ride
Elizabeth “Liz” Holmes
Han Solo

Biggest Night of Our Lives

Tonight at the Las Culturista Culture Awards!
The Oscars
When a Fag Sees Adele, Las Vegas
Youth group lock-in
Date night with the love of my life, Michael. Love you, baby.

Finalist of the Year

D’Arcy Carden
Chappell Roan
Betty Gilpin
Melanie Lynskey
Olympians

Melanie Lynskey Award for Most Sweetest Person

Sammi Sweetheart – MTV’s Jersey Shore
Toad – Nintendo
Can’t remember her name but the girl from the other night
Drew Barrymore

Free Willy Award for Animal Achievement

Jenny the Donkey
Mickey Mouse
Tortoises, all
The cast of The Secret Life of Pets

Best Skill to Have

Drew Barrymore Impression
Remembers names
Changing a tire
Fierce runway walk
A sense of play

The Denise Richards Drop Dead Gorgeous Line Reading Award

“She’s skinny, Amber, not deaf!” – Denise Richards
“Lights, camera and me without a stitch of makeup on!” – Denise Richards
“Can’t take my EYES off of YOU.” – Denise Richards
“You had me at hello” – Renée Zellweger

Diva Down Award (Person Who Fell Hard Award)

Jason Derulo
Grape Stomp Woman
Tanya McQuoid – The White Lotus
Nazi Mama from Indiana Jones

Best Religion

Mormon 2.0
“The school of life”
Long-form improv comedy
Whatever gives people meaning

Best Religious Practice

Kneeling
Anything with water
Prayer
Zip-zap-zop
Breath

Most Amazing Impact in Film

PAs
B-Camera Grip
Margot Robbie
Diane Warren
M3GAN

They Should be an Actor Award for Not Actor But Should

Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez
Sunny Hostin
Dr. Nicole Martin – The Real Housewives of Miami
All children not already acting
Malala

Allison Williams Cool Girl Award

Ariana Madix
Ariana Grande
Daisy Duck
Elizabeth Olsen
Zendaya

Hunger Games Award for Best Huge Franchise

The Fast and the Furious
Avatar
Mario
Oreo Cookies
McDonalds

Best Holiday – Fixed Date

Christmas Eve
Christmas Day
4/20
Leap Year Baby Birthday
September 4th… B’Day

Best Holiday – Changing Date

Memorial Day
Thanksgiving
Passover
Pizza night
Personal day

Santa Award for Being Unforgettable

Sasha Velour
Sasha Colby
Sasha Obama
Malia Obama
“Breathe” by Faith Hill

Mother Award

Kelly Clarkson
Cirie Fields
Moms all across the world
Ava Max
Keke Palmer
Padma Lakshmi – Top Chef
Jennifer Lopez – The Mother
Jennifer Lawrence – mother!
Idina Menzel
Regina Hall

Slouching Towards Bethlehem Award for Chicest Book to Hold

The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian by C. S. Lewis
Stories I Only Tell My Friends: An Autobiography by Rob Lowe
Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find, and Keep Love by Doctors
Open Book by Jessica Simpson
Game of Thrones

M3GAN Award for Servin K-U-N-T

Backup dancers – Rihanna Super Bowl
EMTs
BLACKPINK
Lara Croft: Tomb Raider
The WGA

Biggest Cultural Threat to Us

Cynthia Erivo and Ariana Grande – Wicked
Straightio Lab Podcast
The fickle nature of NYC weather in June
Governors across America
Overselves, tbh

Best Gay Guy – Normal

A teacher (TIE)
A nurse (TIE)
A fireman (!!!)
“Just moved to the city.”

Best Gay Guy – Famous

Andy Cohen
Anderson Cooper
Abraham Lincoln
Bowen Yang

Best Gay Guy – Somewhere in Between

Jimmy Fowlie
Pat Regan
Governor Jared Polis
Matt Rogers

Diplo Award for LGBTQ

Hayley Kiyoko
Papi Juice
Jessie Ware
Josh Sharp & Aaron Jackson
RuPaul’s Drag Race: All Stars

Baby We’re Looking Forward to Seeing Older

Lil Nas X
Apple and Moses Martin
Your niece

Shiv Roy Award for Best Fake Accent

Melanie Lynskey, all
Toni Collette – The Sixth Sense
James McAvoy every now and then
Toni Collette – Hereditary

Bridget Jones Award for Best Fake British Accent

Gillian Anderson – The Crown
Emma Stone – The Favourite
Gillian Anderson – Sex Education
Alan Tudyk, all
Everyone doing their slay Love Island impressions a.k.a. when you all say “propa chat”

Scariest Moment in History

Hereditary lil’ diva head come off
The Big Bang
Jumpscare when you see mama you knew in COLLEGE on the street what?!
Cuban Missile Crisis
Saying “I love you” to the one and you know you can never go back… This will change things…

Education Award for Best School Subject

Yearbook
AP US History
Pre-Calc depending on teacher
Drop Everything and Read
Certainly not phys ed, speaking as queer people!

Titanic Award for Monoculture

Scandoval
When THAT CHEETO was arraigned!
Barbie
Titanic
Don’t Worry Darling press tour

Best Way to Travel

Caravan
Sprinter van
Not in a huge rush
Pride float
Often!!!!!!!!!

Best Type of House

High ranch
Mansion
Apartment with deck
Lake
Anything by CeCe Peniston

“Amber” Award for Best 90s Name

Chelsea
Courtney
Mary-Kate
Ashley

Most Fascinating Language

Na’vi
Romance
American
Acts of service
“Body language! HA!” – Ursula, The Little Mermaid

Rosalía Award for Best Outdoor Live Performance

Diana Ross, rain
Shakespeare in the Park
These crust punks pretending they don’t have daddy money!
Whitney Houston – “Star Spangled Banner,” Super Bowl
Rosalía – Coachella

Kimberly Akimbo Award for Best Indoor Performance

Titanique
Parade
Beyoncé – “Ring the Alarm,” 2006 Video Music Awards
Kate Berlant – Kate
Lady Gaga on any awards show doing “Jo Calderone”

People Magazine’s Sexiest Man Alive

Ricky Martin
George Clooney
Matt Damon
Idris Elba
Dad from Inside Out

Ariana Madix Award for Girl, You Can Do Betta Hon

Shereé Whitfield – The Real Housewives of Atlanta
Florence Pugh – Don’t Worry Darling
Ariana Madix – Vanderpump Rules

Best Airline

It doesn’t matter as long as we’re at LAGUARDIA!
Alaska

Best Thing to Drink on a Flight

Honey, if I took off from LAGUARDIA, doesn’t matter! I’m already happy!
Ginger ale

MUNA Award for Hottest Queer

Katie – MUNA
Naomi – MUNA
Jo – MUNA
Fans of MUNA
Matt Bomer

Angelina Jolie Humanitarian Prize

Doja Cat
The Homeless Not Toothless organization
Whoever designed the new LaGuardia

Most Dominant Predator

Cheetah
Tiger
Lion
Shark

Most Vulnerable Prey

Shrimp
Kelp
Fish
Pisces humans

Margo Martindale Character Actress of the Year

Dale Dickey
Elizabeth Marvel
Robin Weigert
Norma Dumezweni
Hong Chau

Most Likely to Succeed

Stephanie Hsu
Janelle Monae
Doja Cat

Water Award for Necessary Thing

Sunscreen
“Just something to hold me over.”
Sunlight
A VPN
Doja Cat

The Greatest Showman

Hugh Jackman
Vanessa Hudgens
Doja Cat
Chrishell Stause – Real estate
Jinkx Monsoon

Largest Number

99
A zillion
“Anything!!!!” said like a mother in distress
“You Can’t Stop the Beat” – Hairspray finale

Public Feud We Want to Start Right Now, Tonight

The StraightioLab Podcast
Will Ferrell
Pepsi-Cola
Jordin Sparks
The Kremlin

Starbucks Award for Chillest Coffee Order

Grande Iced Black
Ummmmm just an iced green tea
Americano with almond. Oh okay then with oat
I’ll actually do the blueberry kombucha
I’ll have a large iced caramel macchiato

Ice Award for Best Frozen

Piña Colada
Frozen 2 – “Into the Unknown” scene
Circular ice balls for a whiskey drink
Jack Nicholson – The Shining
Coke Slurpee

Shot We Are Shooting in This Moment

Kelly Clarkson come on Las Culturistas
Pedro Pascal check your DMs
Matt and Bowen in Book of Mormon the movie
If anyone is on the Faerie server in Final Fantasy XIV, Bowen would love to do dungeon runs with you!
Any cute nice guy, friends or more

Best Length for Movie

86 minutes
119 minutes
While the bolognese is cooking

Best Length for TV Episode

58 minutes
24 minutes
Quibi

Meal We Should Have Gotten But Didn’t

Chicken française
The burger
Buffalo blasts – The Cheesecake Factory
A Michelle Pfieffer Catwoman spinoff movie
Big spicy crab soup

Normani Award for What’s the Holdup?

Fourth Austin Powers movie
The Renaissance visuals like honestly
New RHONY
When you ordered your big spicy crab soup 40 minutes ago

Moulin Rouge Award for Most Exciting Spectacle

Fireworks
Moulin Rouge on Broadway
Adele in Las Vegas
Guardians of the Galaxy: Cosmic Rewind at Epcot
Sasha Colby vs. Anetra – Any lipsync

Best Word to Whisper

“hey”
“seriously?”
“liposuction”
“farted”

Best Word to Scream

“GO!!!!!”
“DIVA!!!!!”
“NEVER!!!!”
“OH!!!!!!”

Peacock Presents: The Award for Best Streaming Service

Due to the ongoing WGA strike, we do not feel this category is appropriate at this time. We proudly stand with our Guild and will give this Peacock at a later date.

Betty Gilpin Award for Big Slay Again?!

Big Thunder Mountain
Betty Gilpin – Mrs. Davis
The Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom
Michele Yeoh, all
Anetra – lyp syncing

Eras Award for Best Era

Speak Now
Mesozoic
Chunky Gold Necklace
Bleach blonde
reputation

iHeartRadio Best Podcast of the Year

Las Culturistas
StraightioLab
TheDaily

Social Change Moment of the Year

Oprah – “Were you silent, or were you silenced?”
2022 Las Culturistas Culture Awards
Homeless Not Toothless Charity

Most Uncommon Accident

Trips on a snake, hits head on boulder
Hilary Swank – Million Dollar Baby
Weed in the carry on, oh no, how did that get there
Any of the shit you might see on Looney Tunes, which is fake
When you text me shit about me you meant to send to her, you jerk

Kindest Greeting

“Hi, my love.”
“Ciao.”
“Bonjour, boo.”
“Diva!!!!!!!!”
“We have been waiting for you…”

Most Attractive Body Part

Butt
Face
Eyes
Foot
Nape

Most Shocking Moment of the Year

LaGuardia is a slay????
Adriana DeMoura losing her foot – Real Housewives of Miami
Logan Roy dying and the ensuing aftermath

Best Fish

Minnow
Koi
Gold

Best Planet

Naboo
Pandora
Planet Her by Doja Cat

Best News We Heard

The Lyft XL is here to take all of your friends to the big party
Annaleigh Ashford nailed the comedy
Meghann Fahy is on her way to the studio to record Las Culturistas
Bowen Yang cast as “Pfannee” in Wicked (both)
There’s a big sale at our favorite store

Most Iconic Building or Structure

Space Mountain
LaGuardia Airport now
Stonehenge
Vanderpump at Caesars Palace
Vanderpump à Paris

Album of the Year

Renaissance – Beyoncé
Midnights –Taylor Swift
Prism – Katy Perry
Into The Woods 2022 Original Broadway Revival Cast Album
Chappell Roan’s when it comes out

Record of the Year

“Padam Padam” – Kylie Minogue
“All I Want for Christmas Is You” – Mariah Carey
“8th World Wonder” – Kimberely Locke
“If You Asked Me To” – Céline Dion
“Breathe” by Faith Hill

Outstanding Reality Competition Host

RuPaul – RuPaul’s Drag Race
Alex Wagner – The Mole
Padma Lakshmi – Top Chef: World All Stars
Michelle Buteau – The Circle
Alan Cumming – The Traitors

Most Memorable Line in a Movie or Film

“I’m Peach.” – Anya Taylor-Joy, Super Mario Bros. Movie
“Are you ready?” – Anya Taylor-Joy, Super Mario Bros. Movie
“I will protect us!” – Anya Taylor-Joy, Super Mario Bros. Movie
“I will lead us!” – Anya Taylor-Joy, Super Mario Bros. Movie
“How is your baby?” – Kate Winslet underwater, Avatar: The Way of Water

Christina Aguilera Award for “It’s Just Good”

Oreo cookies
Succession
Pancakes
Aquariums
Sara Bareilles

Best Dressed

Anne Hathaway
Jessica Chastain
Zendaya
Flo Pugh
Mickey Rourke

Most Memorable Line in a TV Show

“Tutti gay!” – Old man on yacht, The White Lotus
“I, like, wipe my butt with that!” Alexia Nepola, Real Housewives of Miami
“She’s brought a ludicrously capacious handbag,” -Matthew Macfayden
“Cook MY meat!” -Ego Nwodim, Saturday Night Live
Ugh, fine: “Please! These gays, they’re trying to murder me!” -Jennifer Coolidge, The White Lotus
“DEATH! To all of them!” – Wendy Williams